Defining Moments

Have you ever noticed that there are moments in life that seem to jump to the top of your mind when you hear the phrase, “defining moments?” Depending on your age and life experience these can vary drastically from person to person. You might be thinking of a special moment with a friend or loved one. A time when a trial changed the course that you were on. The memory of when you got your first pet, or even the passing of someone you loved. All of these moments stick with us, and God graciously uses them in His own perfect and sovereign way.

I have been thinking of one of these moments lately, the day Stacey and I stood before God and said, “I do.” In October we celebrated 20 years of marriage together. Our wedding was a moment in time that seems so long ago and just like yesterday at the same time. This truly was a defining moment in our lives. It seemed like we were so young, and yet now it seems like we are so old, at the ripe ages of 41 and 40 (I know that’s not really that old!). But there is another reason that this and other defining moments keep being brought to mind.

Watching others experience these same defining moments quickly evokes these memories. We have had many opportunities over the past several years to witness these same defining moments in others’ lives. It is something special to witness the kids, now adults, that went through MVBC’s youth group grow up and start families of their own. It is a praiseworthy moment to observe the awesome work of God in their lives, to watch them grow in truth, and then observe them walking according to this truth… It's just amazing.

But is this all there is? Are defining moments only the ones that inspire happiness in our remembrance of them? I hope that you can tell from the opening paragraph that this is not always the case. A few years ago, I had the opportunity to read the book, I Still Do, by Dave Harvey, which looks at life after the newlywed stage and helps you to understand that life and marriage are full of defining moments, not all of which are pleasant at the time. Despite this, God uses all these situations for our good and His glory.

As I write this note we find ourselves in the throes of one of these moments that Dave describes in Chapter 6: “Defining Moment 5: When Your Spouse Suffers.”  As many of you know, this is not the first time that God has allowed Stacey and me to go through such a moment, especially when it has come to my health over the past year. But this time God has given me the opportunity to understand what it means when your spouse is suffering, as Stacey has been fighting a persistent respiratory illness. I again find myself thinking back to our wedding day as we promised to stay with each other “in sickness and in health.” But on that day, I don’t think either of us fully understood the depth of this vow that we made. Dave says that these are “. . . hard moments. Moments defined by the marks left, the tears shed, and the indescribable anguish at seeing the one you love suffer.”

To see the one that you love in pain and not be able to relieve it in some way is humbling, to say the least. It reminds us how truly dependent we are on God for our every need. In these moments I am reminded that I am not called to remove my wife from her affliction but to love her through it. The words of Ephesians 5:25 resonate in my ears, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Husbands, we are called to love our wives! And not only this but to love them as Christ loved the church! You must be willing to give all of yourself in service to her. This is a daunting call, but one that we need to hear. When your spouse is sick or complaining that they are hurting or don’t feel good how do you react? This is what makes these situations defining moments.

Dave continues by quoting 2 Cor. 1:3–6 and explaining that “God is so serious about helping you care for your spouse that he arranged some past affliction for you. Do you remember what it was? Were you inexplicably ill? Did you struggle with depression, grapple with an unexpected loss, or have your sense of security fractured? As Paul comforted the Corinthians, he was able to draw on the comfort he’d already received. As Paul comforted the Corinthians, he did so from a place of experience. He was able to draw on God’s comfort not simply for personal hope but for the purpose of passing it along.” 

Understand, Christian, that this upward calling is for all of us. Not just those who are married but all those who are united in Christ in one mind and Spirit. God sometimes gives us trials or afflictions so that we may in turn give comfort and show compassion to others who are enduring those same defining moments that we once had.